Suicide ! Why do people do it?
Why do Christians and pastors suicide?
A difficult subject for all who have been affected by the suicide of family members,friends,colleague’s.
The questions most often asked is why?
Why would some one do this?
Why did He/She not think of the devastation,their actions would cause those who love them?
Why didnt they think of family and friends and their love for them?
Firstly let me say,if you have someone close and dear to you who suicided,I am truely sorry for your loss.
I am writing this because,most answers to the above questions,cannot be answered,because the person is not alive to ask..As someone who has attempted suicide several times and obviousely survived,”I’m writing this”,and so I am able to give some insight into what actually goes through the mind of someone immediately before they go through the action of suiciding.
Please,note,this my story and is not necessarily true of every person who has attempted or committed suicide.But i do think,it is an insight into the mind and thoughts that a suicidal person has.
I had a nervous breakdown,which left me with debilitating major depression and anxiety.Evidenced by the typical symptoms.
Signs and symptoms
You may be depressed if, for more than two weeks, you’ve felt sad, down or miserable most of the time, or have lost interest or pleasure in usual activities, and have also experienced several of the signs and symptoms across at least three of the categories below.
It’s important to remember that we all experience some of these symptoms from time to time, and it may not necessarily mean you’re depressed. Equally, not everyone who is experiencing depression will have all of these symptoms.
- not going out anymore
- not getting things done at work/school
- withdrawing from close family and friends
- relying on alcohol and sedatives
- not doing usual enjoyable activities
- unable to concentrate
- lacking in confidence
- ‘I’m a failure.’
- ‘It’s my fault.’
- ‘Nothing good ever happens to me.’
- ‘I’m worthless.’
- ‘Life’s not worth living.’
- ‘People would be better off without me.’
- tired all the time
- sick and run down
- headaches and muscle pains
- churning gut
- sleep problems
- loss or change of appetite
- significant weight loss or gain
So what goes through the mind of a person who commits suicide,particularly MY Mind.
There is a real stigma associated with Mental illness,Major Depression often dismissed by society, in general,along with,statements like, get over it,pull your socks up,its all in your mind,etc,etc.Then from Christians,its demonic,you must have sin in your life,where is your faith,etc,etc,etc…..Yeah I heard them all.
Many,many times due to the person experiencing the above symptoms,they are often abandoned by family,friends,colleagues etc.It becomes too much for them to handle on top of their own life’s struggles.
Upon these reasons,the person becomes suicidal in their thoughts,I’m a burden on my family,friends and family,society.For me,Having tried all sorts of help,medication,i was tried on at least 15 different anti depressants,had over 20 Electroconvulsive therapies(ECT),treatments,physiatrist,phycologists,cognitive therapy,counselling,both secular and christian.None of which has helped.
I would most nights goto bed and pray,Please God dont let me wake up,I cant handle this anymore.And be pissed off when I did wake up.
What went through my mind just before I attempted.
Simply I wanted to relieve,both the suffering I was suffering and the suffering and burden,i was on everyone around me..
Now you maybe saying,i can understand you wanting to be rid of your own suffering,but that is just selfish,inconsiderate,DIDNT you consider the devastation your actions would cause to those who loved you?
No i didnt,the pain and suffering,i was suffering and the over whelming need to be rid of it,far out weighed anything else.
That is just plain SELFISH,I hear you all cry…..
To me at the time,i was actually being UNSELFISH,i was going to relieve everyone around me,of the burden,i perceived myself, to be to them,and strengthened by the abandonment by many friends and family members.They would no longer have to put up with looking after me.No longer have to watch me,a man who was once a strong,strong man,in mind,body and spiritually.A successful business man,a good family man,a preacher/teacher of the grace of god.Who had been reduced to a lonely,helpless,hopeless,unhappy,broken man.Who no matter where i turned,there was no light at the end of the tunnel,there was after all the medical,phycological,spiritual help over an extended time period of several years.My history,said to me ,there is no chance of ever being better.
So,I can fix this whole mess.I will be UNSELFISH and relieve myself of the suffering and UNSELFISHLY,take myself out of this life,and also relieve my family and others of the burden i was to them.
Did you read that?……..I considered suicide as an UNSELFISH act,which is completely opposite to what those who have had a family member suicide,who from my own hearing what other peoples, family members acquaintances say.HOW SELFISH and inconsiderate He/She was.
Thats the whole point.Suicide is not a SELFISH act in the mind of a suicidal person.It is and UNSELSH act in their minds……Thats just not right!!!!!!EXACTLY,thats why it is a Real illness,just like any other illness,.You wouldn’t say to a person who has cancer,a heart attack,just dismiss it as,thats just not right,get over it,pull your socks up etc,etc.would you.??
More people,especially men die by suicide every year,than those killed by car accidents or cancer every year.
How am I now ?
I still suffer awfully from major Depression.I have been helped considerably by just accepting this is how i am and short of a miracle,will be like this for the rest of my life.Most importantly Gods consistent reminder to me Trevor MY GRACE is sufficient for thee.
Have I any advise to those who have a family member who suffers major depression and maybe suicidal.
1. Dont ignore it.
2. Dont dismiss it with throw away lines,get over it etc.
3.Get them help,medically,phycological,spiritual.
4.Talk to them,ask them questions,RUOK? (Are You OK)and actually LISTEN to them.
5. If they are suicidal,expressing that they are going to do something are in the action of doing it ring your countries emergency services number.
6. Don’t abandon them.
7. NEVER EVER,sit down with them with a let’s have a beer/alcohol or any drugs and say let’s have a drink and talk about what you are going through.
- Alcohol is a depressant.It can lead to not just 1 drink,but after you have left,a few more.This is a hugh problem.Firstly they are self medicating to kill the pain.
- 2. When under the influence of alcohol,drugs,your normal sense of self preservation is distorted,possibly leading you do attempt suicide on the spur of the moment.The problem is that spur of the moment decision,can become fatal.This was especially true of me.2 drinks was not enough and 2 drinks was too many,leading to drunkenness.
- Since I stopped drinking alcohol,I have never attempted suicide.I still have thoughts about doing it.BUT,my sense of self preservation,my acute awareness of the grief and hurt,I put my family through,due to my attempts.Stops me.
Mental illness is REAL and SERIOUS.As serious as a heart attack,stroke,any other illness.Anyone who says otherwise,are ignorant and ill informed.Dont listen to Christian ministers,councillors who reduce mental illness to just a spiritual problem,that the person has.
Mental illness can be medical,but not necessarily
Mental illness can be .physical,but not necessarily
Mental illness can be spiritual,but not necessarily.
My prayer for you,if you are depressed and are suicidal.
Father I pray in Jesus name.May the peace of God that surpasses all understanding rule and guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus,May you,whoever you are,boldly enter into the throne room of God in your desperate need and receive grace and mercy.May God’s Grace be sufficient for you Amen.
Please don’t do it,God has not given up on you.
Want to talk,with someone who has suffered,still suffers,has attempted suicide and survived,use this form to contact me,…..trev.